Well this is how it goes….
Journal Entry: Tue Jun 24, 2008, 9:30 PM
- Mood:
Daily Needs - Listening to: Harvister: Feed the Minions
- Reading: Ch.2 to Angel of the Asylum
- Watching: History Channel
- Playing: Bass solo
- Eating: why? you buying?
- Drinking: lots, and lots of water
Frustration I think is the word I’ll choose to use. I’m not sad, that’s a feeling you save for those you give up on and have lost bitter fights. No, I’m upset because of what I have to show, nothing. I’ve given what I can, I’ve no regrets for what I’ve given. I’m just upset at the other party. Stuck up is a word that’s come up, not from my own tongue, but used by other to describe events that have unfolded. And the more I look, the more I see truth in them.
But I’ve learned, Ive grown, and I’ve earned my share. Again, I’m not upset at myself, and I think that’s were sadness comes in. That we blame ourselves and wish we could have done more and lost what powers we falsely believed we had. When we anger, we loather the opposition for how they failed us. When we anger, we are not at fault, when we’re sad, we blame ourselves. Simple math when I look at it from were I stand. I can sleep at night, I can move on, and I know she will as well, but only I will learn from this experience I think, but hope I am wrong.
It was not I that couldn’t change, but her who could not bend. I’d proven myself on that on daily basis, and maybe gave in more then I should have. But I stood firm for what really mattered, and am glad I did so. And I’m glad she came forward. I only wish she could have done so sooner, and not drag the situation knowing how I’d felt, but I can’t blame her for thinking how it would have hurt me. I understand, I’ve been in similar situations. Many people have before, and many have stayed not for themselves, but the other, and I don’t think I could have handled living the lie.
As I stand now, I believe she did a big thing, and has earned some respect for it. On the other hand, as friends these things will change the relationship we share from this point forward, and may make it difficult. I leave that on her growth, on were she goes. And as she goes her way, I will go mine, proud of what I’ve done, and ready to move on with were my life takes me.
Pain
